"A Vegan Who Eats Meat Occasionally"

The past year I've been dabbling in being a vegan.

It's been a really natural progressions - first we wanted to eat less meat (for the planet's sake), then Will discovered he was lactose intolerant. So there went dairy, and most meat.

Then I started reading vegan cookbooks. Delicious! A bit more effort at first, but now I've forgotten what it was like to cook with meat.

I then read a few books on eating animals (like "eating animals" by jonathan saffron foer, "the kind diet" by Alicia Silverstone) which had pretty much convinced me.

And the final blow was the movie 'Earthlings' with Jaoquin Pheonix. The image of a pig being skinned by spinning it around some blades, while alive, made me cry and almost throw up. Ditto with the cow having it's throught incorrectly slit then writhing around while being butchered. I forced myself to keep watching, sobbing, hoping it would stop me from ever eating meat again.

Those images do haunt me whenever I think about ordering something delicious on the menu, or taking a bite out of Will's hot dog, or pepperoni, or pulled pork sandwich. I won't ever order anything, or cook meat, but you know what, sometimes I do take that bite of someone elses food, and it's delicious. I'd just rather not support (with my money) the animal industry anymore. I know it's a bit of a cop-out:  "I didn't buy it, but someone else did", but it works for me for now. I am not going to hem myself in by labelling myself vegetarian or vegan, but I can choose to live my life like that most of the time.   Will's coworker Tent told me he considers himself a "vegan who eats meat occasionally" which I really liked.

There was a vingette in the book 'eating animals' where he talked about Kafka looking a fish in the eye at the aquarium and saying that he was so happy he could look it in the eye and not feel bad about eating it's brethren. I totally understand, I want to sing from the rooftops when I see a pig or a cow "I don't hurt you anymore!".

Time to think

In the excellent book ‘The shallows’, the author describes how our internet overload is drowning out any time for quiet reflection. I read this book while on holiday on a tropical beach, away from said distractions, and soaking in quiet reflection.   I swore that upon returning home, I would limit my internet use, I would focus on one project at a time, and I would get back in touch with my capacity for deep thought and reflection.

Easier said than done apparently. 

However, I’m making baby steps.  The biggest of these small steps is going out to a friends farm once a week and working (usually weeding).  It’s a repitive motion, done in a muddy field in a valley that feels more like a bowl.  The clouds bump up against the hills on all sides. This grey, repetitive time gives me hours and hours to just think.

Sometimes I try to go Zen and clear my thoughts, mindfully pulling weeds without judgment. At other times I harshly judge myself for the things  I think of when finally given time to think (“I wonder if the kardashians are still famous?”).  But mostly my mind just lolls around like a puppy.  Pulling up long forgotten memories of ex-boyfriends and remote travel locations, wondering where my life and career are going, reminding myself to send an invite email about camping.  It’s amazing the vast reserve of stuff that is in there, just waiting to be forgotten about.

I’ve also started to try (or trying to start) meditation. I maybe only get to it twice per week, but the guilt is there, gnawing at me to do it more often. I think this is perhaps a precursor to actually doing it more often.

And finally, while working on projects I’m trying to ignore the rest of the rabbit hole that is the internet. Closing the internet if I’m working on writing, closing useless tabs online, or even brainstorming on paper.

And so, it is helping? Am I tapping into some vast reserve of creativity and happiness by giving myself time to think?

Maybe. I’m definitely feeling clearer headed, which could be a function of doing less work. But I’m also feeling more strategic – able to think ahead, see different angles of things etc.   I think what he said in ‘the shallows’ is true: that quiet reflection allows humans to link disparate thoughts together (and that internet information storage could never replicate this function).  These linkages can’t be forced. All the junk I think of while farming isn’t really junk. It’s helping me pull things together.

As life get’s busier and summer wraps up, I hope I remember this. That time every week to just THINK can potentially make the rest of my time more production. If I consciously went into my 'thinking time' (for lack of a better word) with certain issues and problems I wanted to solve, I think it might be even more effective.

Article ideas

I've committed to writing an article a week for this blog.  As they get better I might ask Will to edit them. A few ideas for topics (keeping in mind that the premise is that it should be something I want to learn about):

• Vegan nutrition (hmmm, already know a lot of about that, maybe look into one aspect, like calcium)
• Plant rotation on a farm
• Economic development policies and if they ever work
• ...

Man. These are boring topics so far.

Every blog starts with an ambition

Mine is to learn how to write.

So I've set myself the following challenge:

Write one article per week on a subject I don't know much about (although really, that could be anything, since there is always more to learn about any subject).

A bit of background.  I could write background for ever but I'll stick to two salient points:

1. I recently left my job as a Greenhouse Gas accountant.  I was really depressed in the job and was planning on quitting and taking the summer to farm, think, enjoy the sun, eat through some savings, and do all kinds of other things.  I never really formulated this thought fully, but part of me realizes that I'll probably have kid in the next few years, so I should kick back and relax while I can.  Before I could quit though, I got laid off. So I have severance and employment insurance.  And they hired me back as a consultant. Oh life! The mysterious ways in which you work!

So basically all that boils down to: I have some time on my hands, and some freedom.

2. Sometimes in your life you meet someone random at exactly the right moment to alter the trajectory of your life, at least for a little while.   I found myself rambling to a random old man while pouring creme in my coffee "I want to find a career where I can work from a cabin in the woods, far from the world!" I told him.  "That's what I do" he said.  We went for coffee and told me that he has systematically become an expert in his field (marina construction) and he works primarily from his cabin in Montana.  He told me to find a field I'm passionate about, read about it obsessively and then start writing about it.  No one will pay you at first, but you'll get your writing in a magazine here or there, and eventually you'll start becoming an expert.  And then he said he was a pastor. Which was weird because I'm not religious, but it was like God had sent me someone to talk to. But I'm still an atheist.

So that's what this blog is about. Practicing writing. Practicing sounding like I know what I'm talking about. Practicing the commitment to actually do what I say I'm going to do.  Here goes.